Intrusive Thoughts~Intrusive Thoughts~Intrusive Thoughts by J-Goth
Bury the children standing up so they can grow up big and strong like an oak tree,
or so you used to say to get them to drink their milk.
you'll see some of those tiny hands holding sea shells,
bullet shell casings for others but we'll read about them somewhere.
The most heartbreaking truths are hardest to try and hide,
a mother's voice can mean pain if she brings grief but she won't leave,
or that Little Johnny found his dad's porn magazines too early
and lost his innocence before he could enjoy it.
It's getting cold now, it's time to shut the door,
I can't reach what I want but I can taste and feel it as though it were right here,
maybe it's the moon making me crazy but I held someone's hand last night,
now every feeling from now on will be a disappointment.
It's almost midnight and escapism is all I have to look forward to.
Intrusive Thoughts © J-Goth/Amanda P.
Recovery~Recovery~Recovery by J-Goth
Helicopters fly over head like bothersome flies,
he's pulling knives out of his back like splinters,
and he really hates it when I don't say anything,
but all I can think about is preserving something fragile,
I am staring into space letting life happen without me.
The morning news is telling us that a storm is headed this way,
and blood tastes like pennies,
he's been walking around with holes in his back for a lot of years,
and he helps me through the fog on my worst days,
but I don't like what I see and I'm trying to wash it off...
It's not helping.
He fills me up where I am mended,
I'm finding it harder and harder to trust anyone
they've all given me very little reason to do so,
because they were looking for me out there,
and I can't escape the mundane.
Recovery © J-Goth/Amanda P.
Ugly Little Butterflies~Ugly Little Butterflies~Ugly Little Butterflies by J-Goth
The wind spreads the seeds all around
sends them shuffling around
like dead maggots in the dirt
The bleeding heart that found the rum
forgot all about the bottom of the glass
waiting is all that matters
and washes away
what bled through earlier today
Ugly Little Butterflies © J-Goth/Amanda P.
Scorned~Scorned~Scorned by J-Goth
I can't see myself
I scare myself
The baby's crying in the other room,
I would do anything to distract me
from the pain in my chest.
Your pride is fickle
when you're in tears
as you lose everything.
My pain is a trigger finger,
I loved seeing you fall apart
when I twisted the knife.
I was as vicious as a rabid dog
as it tore apart
a smaller, weaker animal.
Your pride is fickle,
I only threatened to take away
your manhood and legacy.
I would take a swig from the bottle
as what was yours grew inside me
so you could watch it die.
You didn't look so big
or seem so strong
When it was necessary to crawl.
When God is stripped of glory,
His heart is not warmed by the praise anymore,
he laments like now.
The human I hug to my breast
knows what wrong he's done
I swallow a whim and my pride.
He laments to see the baby that's crying in the other room.
Scorned © J-Goth/Amanda P.
Miyamoto Musashi's Poetrywe reconstruct the manMiyamoto Musashi's Poetry by lula-vampiro
from shards of paper and pottery
(a shrike in ink
a small wooden bodhisattva
a practical treatise on swordplay)
he said his only teacher was Nature
which is a fine thing to say
when you're good at everything
they say he slew Ganryū
with a length of oar
he'd whittled on impulse into a sword
so much for the soul of the samurai:
not metal, flashing and hard
priceless and irreplaceable
only a discarded wooden spar
emerging from refuse
to refuse returning
and perhaps his poems were the same
nourished by earth and water
whispering an answer to wind
burbling off towards the long sea
and this is how history left him
and this is how I might find him:
an old man on a mountain
preparing future warriors for poetry
writing his way back
into the world that wrote him
when he emerges from his grotto to converse with the single scarred wholeness of the moon, I steal towards his poems and brush the pages across my hands, like reaching for a damselfly at rest, to see how his b